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or_so_I_thought
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Country: United States
State: North Carolina
Metro: Durham
Gender: Female


Occupation: Student


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Member Since: 12/21/2005

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Monday, January 30, 2006

I’m just too tired to trust and too tired to pray,

Said one, as the over taxed strength gave way.

This one conscious thought by my mind possessed,

Is, oh, could I just drop it all and rest.

 

Will God forgive me, do you suppose,

If I go right to sleep as a baby goes,

Without an asking if I may,

Without ever trying to trust and pray?

 

Will God forgive you? why think, dear heart,

When language to you was an unknown art,

Did a mother deny you a needed rest,

Or refuse to pillow your head on her breast?

 

Did she let you want when you could not ask?

Did she set her child an unequal task?

Or did she cradle you in her arms,

And then guard your slumber against alarms?

 

Ah, how quick was her mother love to see,

The unconscious yearnings of infancy.

When you’ve grown too tired to trust and pray,

When over-wrought nature has quite given way;

 

Then just drop it all, and give up to rest,

As you used to do on mother’s breast,

He knows all about it—the dear Lord knows,

So just go to sleep as a baby goes;

 

Without even asking if you may,

God knows when His child is too tired to pray.

He judges not solely by uttered prayer,

He knows when the yearnings of love are there.

 

He knows you do pray, He knows you do trust,

And He knows, too, the limits of poor weak dust.

Oh, the wonderful sympathy of Christ,

For His chosen ones in the midnight tryst,

 

When He bade them sleep and take their rest,

While on Him the guilt of the whole world

      pressed—

You’ve given your life up to Him to keep,

Then don’t be afraid to go right to sleep.

 

                           Ella Conrad Cowherd


Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Alas, I have been tagged.  For you precious few who tune into my rather sparse blog entries who have not yet experienced a tagging, the rules are as follows:

Once tagged, a member of the blogging community is obligated to post 5 "weird habits/facts" about herself (or himself, as the case may be), as well as provide a list of 5 other people that he/she will tag (apparently by posting a comment one their sites informing them that they have been TAGGED).

Here are 5 weird habit/facts about yours truly...they are in no specific order and are probably already known by most of you because I tend to let people in on my weird habits from time to time.  Although, in my case, I have found that the weirdness is located just as much in the realm of irrational fears as in bizaare habits.

1. I am afraid of my own skin.  Well, that may be over-stating it slightly.  I am actually only fearful of one part of my skin touching another part.  For example, I sleep with the sheet interwoven between my fingers so that the inside skin of each finger will be effectively restricted from coming in contact with another.  Skirts are an impossibility unless I wear shorts underneath for obvious reasons and...well, there are a plethora of other precautions/strategies that I employ in daily life. 

2.  I have a somewhat unpredicatable, but nonetheless severe soft-food phobia.  I don't know if its an over-active gag reflex or what, but I can't eat many soft foods without suffering from a variety of physical and psychological effects.  Whether that means actually gagging or just having a hot flash and feeling a bit dizzy and disoriented...I guess that it takes on a variety of forms.  Examples of food that I am afraid of include: eggs, marshmellows, mashed potatoes, and small tomatoes.

3. I spent the majority of my elementary school career in special education classes in which I engaged my time in playing Shoots and Ladders and Simon for unheard of amounts of time.

4. When my mind is unoccupied, I tend to resort to extending imaginary lines off the plains of actual objects at random angles in order to form corresponding and complementary angles that I can evaluate in space.  Hard to explain...but fun to do.

5. When I was younger, I had an obsession with memorizing decks of cards.  I would shuffle up multiple decks and sit up in my room or in front of the TV memorizing the order of the cards so that I could repeat it back to myself without error.  Needless to say, I now have the ability to be quite the commodity at the poker table as I am completely capable of counting cards.  Of course, this is news to those of you with whom I engaged in a poker extravaganza last week.

As for the 5 people that I am reponsible for tagging...I am only going to tag two people.  First of all, most of my Duke friends have already been tagged and I don't really blog enough to know more people. I am going to tag Brenton and Erica--two dear friends from Westmont, my undergraduate institution.  Also, I would like to tag Chris Philips...but I can never figure out how to post on his site.  So, if you're reading this Chris, consider yourself tagged .


Friday, January 06, 2006

Currently Reading: The praise of folly,: By Desiderius Erasmus,

"Academic scepticism unfits a man for the tasks of life, which call rather for the uncritical mind and unhampered will...It is indeed true, as has been pointed out, that Socrates would make a bad member of a fire department, were he to answer a fire-call by beginning a dialogue upon whether the burning house is worth saving" (xxxix).

This quote is from Hoyt Hopewell Hudson's introductory essay in his translation of The Praise of Folly.  Despite the fact that Hudson seems to imply that I am now somehow less "fit" for the "tasks of life" after taking epistemology than I was prior to engaging in philosophical pursuits (for most forms of philosophy touch upon sceptical views at some point or another), I can't help but agree that Socrates would not be my go-to guy in situations that call for rapid action.  And yet, I hesitate to give his line of thought full credence because he goes to the other extreme by insinuating that the tasks of life are better completed by those possessing an "unhampered will".  Does anyone know what that means?  An "unhampered will"...I must admit that I don't really know how to conceive of a human being (fallenness, sinful nature, and the image of God included) with a truly unhampered will, especially on the assumption that "unhampered" means to be without interference or obstacle.  But, it is completely possible that my ignorance is the result of the fact that my mind is no longer "uncritical" due to delving into the writings of Hume and other academic sceptics.  I guess that I'm of the opinion that my will will continue to be hampered to some degree as long as I am a stranger in this land.  But that definitely gives me something to look forward to.

Speaking of Hume...here's a sceptic that I wouldn't mind having on the fire department.  Even though he would undoubtedly deny that he can be sure that there exists any causal correlation between water being sprayed on the fire and the fire going out, I don't think that he would hesitate to pick up the hose and start shooting water in every direction.  I definitely don't agree with Hume on everything, but at times I do envy his ability to doubt concepts that seem to be so vital in the fabric of reality while simultaneously living as though he were just as uncritical as the rest of us.  Of course, at other times I think that this very characteristic makes him a hypocrite...but that's for another day.... 


Thursday, January 05, 2006

I can't sleep and I must admit that I do not have a very good attitude about it.  But, an attempt to look for the silver lining has enabled me to view this as an opportunity to put forth another effort to kick off my xanga site. ::Sigh::  My mood is improving already.

Those of you who know me at all know that I am rather attached to my cat.  This was not always so.  Throughout my early years, I was highly allergic to felines and any shred of affection toward the species was virtually absent.  But then I met Phoebe and everything changed.  For one thing, Phoebe is the ultimate companion for warding off loneliness in the middle of the night.  Secondly, she is absolutely fascinating to watch and constantly reminds me of the fact that I did not have a hand in constructing the creation in which I am currently a resident.  Why does my cat make this fundamental truth so readily apparent?  For one thing, I would never have thought to make her nose pink (I would have picked one of the basic colors because they are really the only ones that I am any good at recognizing).  For another, the retractable claws phenomenon was a stroke of brilliance that far exceeds my meager creative abilities.

But, that being said, my intention is not merely to write an 'Ode to My Feline Friend' (although I'm sure that day will soon arrive).  Actually, I was recently struck by the fact that it probably doesn't ever occur to Phoebe to try to be anything other than a cat...which is in rather sharp contrast to the streak of megalomania that seems to run rampant throughout the entire human race.  Needless to say, this is a truly beautiful characteristic about my cat (and most cats, I would imagine).   I seem to remember Irenaeus writing somewhere something like "God's true glory is man fully alive".  That is, human beings living robustly as human beings in the fullest sense possible.  Of course, we fail to give glory to God at times by trying to live as gods rather than humans in the image of the One God.  My megalomania is manifested in prideful attempts to control and micro manage my environment to an absurd/sinful degree...all pitiful attempts to wretch control away from my Creator.  Meanwhile, Phoebe relies on me for all forms of provision and never once have I seen her try to act like a human (although she does a fair job at vocalizing her feelings from time to time).  Naturally, the argument can be made that Phoebe doesn't have the mental capacity to desire to be any other animal.  Granted, the comparison breaks down on any number of levels.  But the fact remains that Phoebe is content with her cat-ness, while I and my human brothers and sisters consistently struggle with our humanness...and by doing so she is undoubtedly glorifying the One who created her specifically to be a cat.  As I look at her peaceful form at the foot of my bed, it is difficult to believe that she is currently groaning to be restored along with the rest of creation. 

 


Since I'm on a cat kick....

Cat Trivia:

  • Recent studies have shown that cats can see blue and green. There is disagreement as to whether they can see red.
  • A cat's field of vision is about 185 degrees.
  • Blue-eyed, white cats are often deaf.
  • Cats walk on their toes.
  • Almost 10% of a cat's bones are in its tail, and the tail is used to maintain balance.
  • Cats lose almost as much fluid in the saliva while grooming themselves as they do through urination.
  • Miacis, the primitive ancestor of cats, was a small, tree-living creature of the late Eocene period, some 45 to 50 million years ago.
  • Phoenician cargo ships are thought to have brought the first domesticated cats to Europe in about 900 BC.
  • Ailurophilia is the "love of cats."
  • A cat will amost never "meow" at another cat.  This sound is reserved for humans
  • For more interesting facts: http://www.xmission.com/~emailbox/trivia.htm



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